Sunday

This is an antique store in Shellsburg PA, also along Route 30.   Maybe I will take another jaunt this fall.  

I am still having woes associated with the computer.  The curser was moving and clicking on things again.   I searched in the bowels of the computer and found the download driver programs again.   I reinstalled them for about the sixth time; and I unclicked the "tapping" feature.  

 What ever  or whoever, gave Microsoft the idea that this was a good thing???????   It is the most annoying thing ever and it was not listed in the Vista Annoyances Book.  Most of those problems were much deeper and complicated than I was able to ascertain.  I guess, for me, if I didn't understand the problem how could it be one for me?????   Anyhow, I got it unclicked again and what I want to know is how did this program get uninstalled in the first place?   It took me a long time (15 minutes) to find and install it; I did not do it's uninstallation.....

A lot of my trouble is associated with MS automatic updates.   I have a whole list of them on hold.   I guess I should install one of them at a time to see the effect it has on the computer.   Really this is just too much for a meer mortal such as I.

 

 

Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal      I can feel you pain Dave !!!!!!

 I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist,  to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days  later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram  of  the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go  all over the place, at one point  passing briefly  through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the  colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,  reassuring and patient  manner. I nodded  thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he  said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S  GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET  UP YOUR BEHIND!'

 I left Andy's office with some written instructions,  and  a prescription for a product called  'MoviPrep,'which comes in a box large enough to hold  a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail  later; for now suffice it to say that we must never  allow it to fall into the hands of  America 's  enemies.

 I spent the  next several days productively sitting  around being nervous. Then, on the day  before my  colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance  with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food  that day; all I had was chicken broth,  which is  basically water, only with less flavor.

 Then, in the evening, I  took the MoviPrep. You mix  two packets of powder together in a one-liter  plastic  jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm  water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system,  a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink  the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because  MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a  mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just  a hint of lemon.

 The  instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of  humor, state that  after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement  may  result.' This is kind of like saying that after  you jump off your roof, you may experience contact  with the ground.

 MoviPrep is  a nuclear laxative.  I don't want to be  too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a  space-shuttle launch? This is prettymuch the  MoviPrep experience, with  you as the shuttle. There  are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.   You spend several hours pretty much confined to the  bathroom, spurting  violently. You eliminate everything.

 And then, when you figure you must be totally empty,  you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at  which point, as  far as I can tell, your bowels  travel into the future and start eliminating food  that you have not even eaten yet.

 After an action-p acked evening, I finally got to  sleep. The next morning my wife drove me  to the  clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried  about the procedure, but I had been experiencing  occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was  thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you  apologize to a friend for something like that?  Flowers would not be enough.

 At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging  that I understood and totally agreed with whatever  the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room  full of other colonoscopy people, where I went  inside a little curtained space and took off my  clothes and put on one of those hospital garments  designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you  put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when  you are actually naked.

 Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a  vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have  fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already  lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put  vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off  that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered  what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to  make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering  around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no  choice but to burn your house.

 When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the  procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse  and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the  17,000-foot  tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden  around there somewhere. I was  seriously nervous at  this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side,  and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up  to the needle in my hand.

 There was music playing in the room, and I realized  that the song was 'Dancing  Queen' by  Abba. I  remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could  be playing during this particular procedure,  'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.

 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from  somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it  was time, the moment I had been dreading for more  than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare  yourself, because I am going to tell you, in  explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

 I have no idea.  Really.  I slept through it. One  moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen! Feel the  beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was  back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow  mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how  I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent  when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my  colon had passed with flying colors. I have never  been prouder of an internal organ.

 Anyone who has had this done can truly relate to his commentary.