Wednesday

I wish that I could get it together.  I honestly thought as I get older my problems would lessen.  Maybe they never do and your life remains the same all along.   Went to talk to Sueanne.  I told her I felt guilty about my fathers death, and she said "What did you do to deserve the guilt?"  I said "nothing".  I did what he wanted with the DNR.  She said I should feel remorse and regret but not guilt.  Sounds good Sueanne how do I impliment that?

She did give me the names and numbers of some agencies that may help with my brother who has learning disabilities.  He is 53,  There may be low cost housing avaliable.  He will never be able to afford the keep or buy a house.  Now when children have problems the parents are out there fighting for their rights.   Fortyfive years ago nothing was avaliable or people didnt know about help with kids with problems..   Maybe it was because it wasnt talked about or something the paents would just deal with themselves and no asked for help.  

I hope I can find something.  That would be a lot off of my mind.

Tuesday

I wish that in the mood line a person would have the option of  typing in there own mood. Most of the time the selections do not tell how I really feel.

Talked with the attorney today.   To try to settle the estate of 2327.  This is proving to be a GIANT PITA.  What to do with my brother.  My mom and dad never charged him any room and board.  So all he did was squander his money and has nothing in savings.  He has never had to pay any rent, utilities, insurance, or taxes.  Pretty good deal for someone who will be 54.  

The problem lies in the fact he cant afford to live in the family house.  Why do you do.  I don't want to have the house titled with 6 names. That would be a nightmare when anyone of the six decided they did or did not want to sell.  At my age, or Toms either, who wants to get another mortgage.  He has never had a credit card and has no credit history at all.  Who would give a mortgage to some for 30 years who is only going to work for possible 10 more years?????    Dont know what to do about this have to have a family meeting and come up with a plan.

 

Sunday

I am up early today.  I have been taking one half tablet of trazadone for a week now and have been sleeping like a baby.   I wake up after about 7 to 8 hours sleep.   It is an antidepressant and at the low dosage it helps sleep.  I feel so much better, it is a pain to be operating on negative sleep balance.

I am off to go to help with the Homeless Cat Management Team today.  I have talked to Lisa (who runs the organization) but I havn't met her yet.  I hope she is there today.

I am oncall tomorrow and also incharge.  Being in charge is a pain in the butt.  I told my boss tha her job was safe because I would never apply for it. It is a busy day with no free to give breaks or lunches.  You know at the start that the day; is going to be bad with that information alone.

 

Thursday

It has been a rough few days.  I had my apt with the counselor and it was good to talk to someone althought I logically knew what my problem was.  It is better to tell someone and get it out of your mind so to speak.    I found out E can talk to someone too eventhough it is out of state.  I gave her the number and I hope she does it.  I think it would be helpful..

 

The medication my doctor gave me for sleep is helping.  It is a low does antidepressant.  I have been sleeping like a baby.    The counselor (Sueanne) said that if you lose 1 hour of sleep per night at the end of the week you are suffering from 1 days worth of sleep deprivation and it is cumulative.  I have to tell E that.

Back to work tomorrow and it is the last for the week,  They have been painting the workroom and I hope they are done.   It is a pain trying to get your stuff for the day with the room a mess and guys painting.

 

Monday

I am very frustrated.  I am in a complete circle jerk with skyscape products.  I need help but cant log on because I forgot my password.  I keep hitting the button to send my password but it doesnt reapear in return email.   I sent a email to tech suport and they havnot replied and then I called on the phone. (After much searching for a phone number) and the call wait for them is 3 to 5 days.   What a pain in the arse.   A person could be dead or better in five days.

Sunday

My daughter was here and gone.  Friday we went to the baseball game (Pirates)  I had never been to a professional ball game.   It was firework night, that is why some people from work decided to go that day.  I heard that the Pirates budget for salaries in $25 million per year.   After what I saw at the ball park I can honestly say that they are grossly overpaid and that all salaries should be linked to performance, like the rest of the world.  I feel that way about all Professional??????  sports figures.   On the other hand the fireworks were great and I got to use my new digital camera.  

Back to work tomorrw and I am thrilled as usual

Friday

Off call, that was another one for the books.  I am working WAY TOO hard in my life.  Have had this head ache all morning.  Took Vioxx and tylenol and it is still there.   

Busy day today.  Have the schedule full from 11 till after midnight.  Need to get some rest but don 't have ;the time today.

Thursday

I am up early in the morning, because I have been awakening early for some reason..................maybe it is depression.   I don't feel depressed just stressed.................. I feel things are overwhealming and I am having a hard time keeping up with them.  First is the estate of my father.   It seems when your parent dies you should get rid of and split everything..  He left no provisions for my brother T.   T has learning disabilities and he has been living with my parents all his life.     Well, he has no saving whatsoever,  He spends his money on cigarettes and beer.   And yet, I feel responsibly for him.   How can I sell the house when he will have no place to live??   Yet, he doesn't have the money for the taxes and the associated costs that he will need/   He would have if he didnt drink it and smoke it.  He also had spent his money on gambling.    He works and pays taxes but like most of the population has no money saved for retirement..

I do need to go and talk to someone.  This is really getting to me.

 

Monday

Today is my last day off for this stint.  Early this morning I got a call from my husband (CJS) who needs me to do him a favor that I am not going to like.   He forgot his glasses and had a 12 hour stint at work.  He said that he couldn't even read the computer. 

Well, I treked down and had a 30 mile round trip to take them to him.  He now owes me big time.  I won't say too much because one time I forgot my call bag and he had to bring that to work for me.  But that was only 8 miles round trip.

Got a new printer it was rated highly on Consumers Reports,  It was disco8nted and I got a Office Max $50 gift card and there is a $50 dollar rebate.   I also got a $25 dollar rebate on the camera/   I love a bargain.

Back to work tomorrow.   Have to go to 2327 and put metal in the barrels to take all of this metal stuff of my dads to the recycler.   I heard you wont get much but at least it will be recycled and save some resourcs.   I guess it will go to China and make cars or apoliances.   The price is supposidly high, and there is a shortage of scrap.  The only thing that there is never a shortage of is BS.

Saturday

Today, I am very happy.  The sale of the RV went well and I am no longer its owner.  Or non of my siblings either.  The guy who bought it has a large place to take and work on it.   He plans to take off the home part and then work on the truck.  I think he got a good deal and I got it out of the driveway.   To fix it yourself would be almost impossible, but he is set up for that. 

I made the reservations for my trip to TN.  I was so excited that the Highland Festival will be in Abington that time that I am there.  I will get checked in and go to it.  There are a lot of antique stores and craft stores and sveral places to eat.  It is really quite a beautiful town in the Applacian Mountains.   Abington VA.   It ever has a hospital and a small college nearby.   Can't wait to get started on that trip

 

Was hmad at CompUSA.  I had registered for a class on the use of my digital camera.  And the idiots where I registered didn't notify the store where it was purchased.  So, I didnt have my class but I will take it on Friday.

 

Friday

To sell the RV at high noon.  I hope this goes well and I don't get a hastle.  Set up my web page but I havn't figured out how to access it easily.  I guess I could put in some pictures.  Tomorrow I am going to the class for people who have purchased digital cameras/  I bought it at CompUSA and I like the feature that they give you lessons.  Most of the population probably need that.

It is really sad selling your parents stuff.  On the other hand he should have sold it 10 years ago, or even 14 when my mom first got sick.   Maybe it is denial that they were havning.  Denial of the severity of her illness and the fact they would not longer go anywhere in the RV.  He just left it a problem for me to deal with. 

I am excited today too............

Tomorrow is the day.   The  day I sell the OLD RV.  The guy who is buying it has a car business and is able to fix all the things that are wrong with it.  For someone not to be able to do it themselves it would have cost a lot of money.

My dtr came to visit for a day.  It is always good to see her.  I hope she does as I advised and goes to one of those temporary agencies and gets a temp job for this summer.Although most people (myself included) do not like to work,  I really would rather do nothing and get paid for it.  Save your money for retirement when you are young and contribute steadily.   A person need something to do, and going to work is that thing.  When you get to retirement age it is time to do someother thing.,  Like volunteer, travel or go and take classes.   You can do that if you have saved your money.

 

Tuesday

Well, I am so excited.  I got a new car.   The oldest of the lot had 198,204 miles on it and it was replaced with a new Forester (Subaru)  It is sort of a crimson red and it is really nice.

I have been off for 2 days and back tomorrow.   The man who looked at the RV last night put down hand money on it.  His business is car repair and he says that he can do the repairs himself so the cost will be negligable to him. I will be glad to see it go.   I will only make $900 but my fall back position was to give it to the Goodwill.  Another person is going to look at the traler tonight.  Hopefully it will be gone too.

My dtr is coming home tomorrow and I am always glad to see her.  I wish her a safe trip. That is about it for now.

part 2

I think that 14 was too large.  It was even sensory overload for me.

Monday

I keep playing with the size and this definitly looks better.  When your eyes are old that is all you can do.  I have FINALLY (hopefully) sold the RV.  A guy went by and stopped to look for it.  Only made $900, but my fall back position was to give it to the Goodwill.  Now that it is a done deal, my husband, tells me what I did wrong in negotiations.   Yadda yadda yadda.  I am just glad to have it gone.  This guy has an car place and he is able to do the mechanics and the body work, so it is a good deal for him.

My dtr (E) is sick as a dog.  She sounds like death warmed over.  I was seriously concerned that she might have pneumonia./  She is coming home and maybe I might have to go and get her.  If I do I can take her back on Friday.

This Weds I start my painting class.  I havn't watercolor painted for about 2 years.  I also bought a digital camera and the pprogram to do refinished and scans on the computer.  I would like to copy all the photo of my ancestors and childhood and put them on CD's  and give them to my siblings. 

Thats it for now.

 

Sunday

I am up early because I am oncall today and am geting ready to go to work.  My "call" will last until tomorrow morning and it is 24 hours.  Who knows what the day will bring.  Sometimes they are light and some day are terrible.  I think it depends on fate and the cycle of the moon.

I got a good nights sleep.  I took two tylenol PM and slept like a baby.  I have tried taking benadry by itself but it was not the same.  I think the tylenol must potentiate it and get rids of any aches and pains that you had that you weren't aware of.

My dtr has a meeting with the dean on Monday.  She was suppose to go on Friday but said her friend had a flat tire and she had to cancel.  She has told so many lies about what she is doing it is easy for me to doubt what she actually tells me.  Unless I see the documentation I will be skeptical on what she says.

Saturday

Try this one, but the size of the font is still the same.

It is rainy and cold and gloomy.  Just like my mood.  Havn't been sleeping.  Had trouble falling asleep and then woke up at 1 am.  Then l was awake for 2 hours.  I have too many things on my mind.   I wish my dtr would get her shit together.  I am worring about her and it is causing me undue stress.  I  (honest to God) think I should go and talk to a mental health professional.   I can't go on like this I will have an ulcer or high B/P.

Talked to my oldest friend (in time I have  known her  not age).  Her mother in law died at 91.  I guess everyone has some sort of guilt feeling aver deaths of elderly relatives.  You think of things you should or could have done differently and then replay them in your mind.  Then the next thing is what to do with their things that are left behind.   I am going to visit  her in August.  That will be a long drive but I just can't bring myself to get on an airplace.  My husband  asked why didnt I fly.  I just can't do it.  He wanted me to go on a cruise and I have to get on a plane for that too.

Friday

I decided to try a larger print.  Today I made reservations for a cabin in the woods up near the Allegheny National Forest, which is in NorthWest PA.  I needed to get away on vacation and tried the ocean.   I couldn't find anything that was vacant and on the ocean and didnt cost a ton of money.  So I decided to stay in PA.  The pictures are on the internet, so the cabin looked nice.  If I could figure out how to put the link here I would do it.  I will see if I can figure it out.Campers Paradise Northwest Pa. Main Page  Click here!!!!!!!!!!!!I was sucessful at the metamorphasis of moving stuff.   Have sent for a lot of brocheurs on things to do.  

Work was uneventful today and I was glad when it was over.

 

The ongoing estate.

Also, the print is too small.  I had to kick it up a notch, so to speak.  This business of settling my fathers estate is begining to be a PITA.  The word estate is really a misnomer.   He really had a lot of stuff worth not a whole hell of a lot.  

I talked to my sibs and I am going to donate the brakeless RV to Goodwill.  It ticks me off everytime I go down there and see it parked uselessly in the driveway.  My brother is giving away much of the woodpiles that my dad had.  Why would anyone, who never used the fire place, have a massive stock pile of lumber?

Most of the "stuff" has been given away or soon to be taken to the scrap metal place.  We have separated the FE, CU, and AL. And a bit of mystery metal.  Steel, brass, and I guess that is the extent of that.   Another thing he has is about 7 motors.  I know he was an electrician, but what would one do with all those motors.  They will go in the scrap pile too.  There is also, one refrigerator, 3 freezers, only two which are operable.   At least we can sell two for about $25 or such.

I will be glad when this is done.

Wednesday

Yesterday was a very busy day and night oncall.  Didn't get done until midnight.  But the good thing is that I can turn down the thermostat in the call room and have it freezing cold.  What we did mostly is OB.  I would like to know this:

Why do women today expect their labors and deliveries to be absolutly pain free.  They seem genuinely surprised when it isn't.  Also, to have the entire extended family in the labor room with people drives me absolutely crazy.  Everybodies mother, father, and aunts, siblings and who knows else.  My philosophy is the only person who was their for the laying of the keel should be allowed to be there for the launching of the ship.    That is one of the most miserable times of a persons life and I personally do NOT want an audience.  At this point in time I would be in no mood for ENTERTAINING my relatives.   So. all of you not involved in the conception, STAY HOME AND WAIT FOR THE PHONE CALL